Window One
Bell
It snowed and snowed, the whole world over,
Snow swept the world from end to end.
A candle burned on the table;
A candle burned.
Boris Pasternak
The storyteller died. It's been almost a year now and here comes December masquerading as an end again. Yet, contrary to what is popularly believed, time hasn't attended to unfinished stories or lessened sorrow. It hasn't attended to the disappeared and dead.
When Verity entered the kitchen at Dyer House, balancing chopped wood in her arms, winter's first snowflakes followed her in. Harvey, her marmalade cat, napping in her father's armchair, opened one sleepy eye, then promptly went back to sleep again. Kicking the green panelled door closed, she went over to the log burning range to drop the wood into the wicker basket beside it. Then, removing her snow dusted coat, she hung it on the back of the door and went to put the coffee pot on.
While coffee brewed on the range, the fire radiating out from it warmed the expansive kitchen, where, amongst other things, there was a rickety French dresser with its colourful collection of crockery and various assortment of books crammed onto its shelves, a sturdy wooden table upon which the remnants of a soup and bread supper had been left beside a shallow dish of clementines and hanging from various nails on the walls were dried bunches of rosemary, sage, thyme and lavender. Their fragrance was a comfort to her as were her father's slippers under his chair, his mahogany pipe, half full of blackened tobacco, on the table and his horn rimmed reading glasses lying on top of the book he'd been reading.
Sitting down beside the range, she picked up her seventh classic and turned to the page where she'd used her father's truth message as a book mark. What had started out as something enjoyable, beginning with A.A. Milne on her first birthday had since become something of a tradition. She was now the proud owner of seventeen truth messages extracted like pearls from seventeen classics and given to her by her father.
Reading it out loud to an uninterested Harvey, forming the words her father had selected from the book and written down for her, it occurred to her how odd it was that somehow in her girl's mind they'd made complete sense when she was seven.
"I wonder if I've been changed in the night? Let me think. Was I the same when I got up this morning? I almost think I can remember feeling a little different. But if I'm not the same, the next question is 'Who in the world am I?' Ah, that's the great puzzle!"
But now, almost eleven years later, it was as if she'd tumbled down the rabbit hole all over again with no end in sight.
There were supposed to have been eighteen, but he'd died before he could give her the last one. He'd tried to tell her once, she was certain of it, when she'd glimpsed her father's tears, but now there was only one truth she desired above all others; the truth about the disappeared and dead.
She'd no idea if such a truth existed in any of the classics to be found on the shelves of the British National Library. Her father had told her that there was a copy of every book that had ever been printed in English sitting in its vaults. He'd thought that was marvellous. Verity had asked him what would happen if there was a fire, having been regaled with his tales about the great library at Alexandria. He'd thought about that for a while and then told her not to worry because the vaults were fire proof and promised to take her there one day to see for herself. It'd never happened, like the time he'd promised to take her ice skating in the nearby town when they erected a temporary rink for the festive season. Inevitably, over time, she'd come to lose faith in the fruition of his promises.
The coffee pot whistled on the range, she put her book down and poured herself a coffee. Then, taking up the poker, she opened the range window to stoke the sleepy embers and add another log, just as Harvey stretched and yawned, causing his silver bell to jangle as if conjuring up the mysterious forces of air and spirit.
Outside the snow fell more quickly, covering the listening bench in a snow cushion, while inside the flames flickered and Verity, deep in thought, sipped her coffee.
"You've your mother's sorrow," the storyteller whispered, while air escaped through the gaps in his teeth. His grey eyes darkened with whispers from the past, as he gently stroked her hair and called her his melancholy girl.
Becoming aware of the smell of burning pipe tobacco, Verity turned to find her father sitting in his armchair smiling at her as if he'd never left her. Pipe smoke curled around his fingers mingling with tufts of his white hair, looking like some mystic force that had materialised for her benefit.
She'd tried to convince him to stop smoking a few years back, but he'd told her that it was the only thing which calmed him, especially when times looked truly grim and death was the only certainty, but his smoking had only increased her own feelings of doom and gloom. As the smoke spilled out of his splayed nostrils it filled the room with potent silence, while the lines of his brow, etched in grim misery, spoke of something longing to be voiced curled up inside his breath and smoke. Maybe, she'd wondered, that's what had frightened her mother away, the certainty of death quietly smouldering away in the bowl of her father's pipe.
She turned back to the range as his words flowed through the fissures of her mind, drifting to a place where the sediment from all of his other stories had long since settled. Then, without a word, she reached into her cardigan pocket and produced the required coin, placing it down on the open book lying on the table between them. Reaching over, he picked it up and slipped it into his pocket.
"There was once a beautiful young woman, who rejected light. She was deeply troubled." He brought the pipe up to his mouth, inhaling quietly, while the bowl of fire glowed.
"Troubled by what?" Verity asked, as smoke spilled out of the storyteller's lips.
He didn't answer straight away, appearing almost perturbed at the way his daughter was eagerly waiting for the next part in the story. He stared at her for the longest time imaginable as if he'd forgotten who she was, but eventually said,
"Well, this beautiful young woman believed that she was unworthy of such a thing as a happy ending. You see," he continued, removing the pipe from his mouth, "to bag one takes great will and patience. There was just too much dust and too many spiders' webs in her world." He sighed, but then sensing her chasm of simmering sorrow, his expression changed to one of quiet acquiescence.
"We storytellers are fated," he proclaimed, "to grant endings. We don't always succeed."
Yet Verity concerned that he was losing the thread in the story, couldn't accept his blatant apathy.
"I can buy an ending, can't I, like I used to." she interrupted quickly, knowing his endings were extremely rare, but hoped to catch him off guard. He'd denied her mother one after all. Surely, he couldn't deny her one too. He sighed, ignoring the second coin that she placed down upon the table, wondering what to say next. Finally when he spoke, it was with gravity unlike him.
"Endings Verity, incur the biggest cost of all," he solemnly declared, shaking his head this way and that.
"How much?" she persisted.
"I've no ending for sale," he stated sadly. "It's the truth."
"Why not?" she wailed, desperately searching his face for the one thing she longed for.
"You wouldn't know what to do with it even if I had one." He stared into the range fire as if all endings to all stories were seared into the burning logs.
"But I don't know what comes next." She cried, picking up the seventh classic and waved at him.
"But sweetheart, nobody knows what comes next."
"But...," she persisted, standing up to add weight to her protest.
"Verity, Verity,' he stated in an attempt to placate her, "you're still holding onto this awful notion of what it is to be alive in a world where mothers disappear and fathers die as if it's the only way to be. It doesn't mean that you can't find the sprinkling of light in all this dust."
"Don't you think it's a little late to be telling me this? When will you stop treating me like a child?" She retorted, her face contorting in disbelief that he would dare say this to her now after all the chances he'd had.
"I never had you down as a quitter." He responded gently with a teasing smile.
"You tricked me into believing that you were the authority on what was coming next. You left me this heart, which I don't know how to follow, this head full of questions...."
"That's not fair," he interrupted.
"A head full of questions," her voice rose above his, "which I don't know the first thing about finding the answers to. I mean," she wailed, shoving the seventh truth message his way, "Who in the world am I?"
The storyteller sighed deeply as if everything he'd ever told her should have gone in one ear and right out of the other.
"It should never have been for me to speak your mother's story, or indeed, bestow truths upon you as if they are the only truths there are. As much as I steered you down my path, Verity, you just weren't meant for a godless world."
As all his stories, all his truths, turned to ash before her, the fire died out and the ash cooled in the range. His parting words were as cold as the grave, coating the air around her with bleak morbidity.
"Mind the ghosts, Verity."
But Verity was ill equipped to do anything as sensible as mind the ghosts.